C.S.Lewis

I have always been a massive bookworm. If bookworms were pets, I'd be a pedigree. As a child I would sneak a torch under my duvet after my mum or dad had put out my bedroom light and continue reading. In the car, whilst watching tv, anywhere and everywhere. I would read.

The old books are my favourite - books that had been my mum's or grandparents'. Old, faded and beautiful copies of Pilgrim's Progress and Christie's Old Organ are still prominent and treasured possessions in my room, complete with worn spines and yellowed pages.
I have grown up with C.S.Lewis' books. From the Narnia series to Screwtape Letters. If you've been in my bedroom, you will have undoubtedly noticed the numerous C.S.Lewis quotes written on walls, or scrawled in my college notebooks if you have the unfortunate privilege of sitting next to me in classes.
Today, I stumbled across another C.S.Lewis quote,

'God intends to give us what we need,

not what we now think we want.'
I am an indecisive person at the best of times. Give me a choice between two restaurants for lunch and I could take hours painstakingly thinking through my decision.

I can identify completely with this quote. What struck me was not just that God is going to give us what we need. I know this and am so incredibly thankful for this. But the reminder that we ask for what we THINK we currently want. Our minds change so quickly. Many times I've agonisingly prayed for something, and felt so frustrated when my prayers are answered in another way. Yet sometimes a matter of weeks later I want something completely different.

I've come to the conclusion that my mind is not reliable. It is easily swayed. I am not usually a good judge of what I need. I am too easily distracted by lesser wants and desires. Words cannot begin to describe how relieved and thankful I am that God is gracious enough to GIVE us what we need, in His love. For I know I will rarely ask for it.

Sunday Mornings

I love Sunday mornings. A cheeky little lie in, a nice relaxed breakfast... The number of lovely things that can be done before the church service is infinite it seems!

This Sunday is going to be one of my favourites, I can already tell.
Why?
Today is Bring and Share Lunch in church.
I love church lunch. The food is always amazing! Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for the classic Sunday Roast with the yorkshires and the parsnips and the gravy. But the choices at the bring and share lunch are incredible!
Stews, curries, lasagnes, hotpots (which I'm pretty sure is a stew), pasta bakes, pizzas, sandwiches, to name but a few. And that's just for the savoury food!
But what's more, the smell of these foods cooking downstairs during the service is amazing. By the second hymn I can guarantee my stomach will be rumbling like there's no tomorrow, regardless of whether or not I've had a three-course breakfast.

Desert brings a whole new array of mouth watering treats...
Apple pies, rice pudding, custards, at least 4 types of home made cake, biscuits, chocolates, and so so much more!

My favourite food that gets brought for desert is most definitely Darren Coffin's legendary Rocky Roads. These things are amazing! Made with the cutest mini marshmallows and loveliest chocolate, I literally cannot get enough of them.

Here's hoping Darren's made them for today...

So why I do I love church lunch so much? Amazing food, accompanied by my church family. What is there not to like?

University Applications

I've come to the conclusion that this blogging lark is harder than I first anticipated. I've realised the insignificance of my opinions and just how mundane my life is. My friend told me to just share what's on my mind...

Today I was asked why I want to study medicine at university. And, for the first time ever, I hesitated. This wasn't the usual, 'the word is on the tip of my tongue I just can't think of it' hesitation. This was a full blown 'I don't know why on earth I have applied to do medicine' hesitation. In the end I settled for giving the spiel I effectively learnt for my university interviews, and seemed to satisfy the person who asked.

In truth?
I no longer have no idea why I am applying to do medicine.
Perhaps it's because it's just what smart people seem to do. Generally, people think I'm dumb. I don't blame them!

Until very recently I was convinced London was right next to Birmingham (it isn't) and located directly in the centre of England (again, it isn't).

Even my A-level teachers couldn't mask their initial surprise when they found out my GCSE grades. My friends make comments about me being thick and I don't think any of my teachers realistically expect me to do particularly outstanding this year. Perhaps I just wanted to finally prove to people that I'm not your average airhead.

In my UCAS personal statement, I talked about being inspired by the way my Dad was treated during his battle with MS. The way the doctors diagnosed and treated him, and supported us as a family. Perhaps at the time this was my main motivation, in fact I'm sure it was. I saw something I could be good at and wanted to do. Somewhere along the way I have lost that desire.

Nevertheless, I have convinced scores of teachers, friends, family and even universities that I am certain I am going to make an excellent doctor, and that it is the only career my heart desires.

In truth?
I haven't got a clue. I have no idea what I want to do in September. I have no idea if I still consider becoming a doctor to be worth 5 years extra studying. I have no idea what my future holds.

Thankfully I have a God who does know, a God who has a perfect plan. And that is more than enough for me!

Valentine's Day

Just like every other Valentine's Day, I woke up to a few hundred cards and acres worth of flowers. Massive jokes! I woke up, pretended to do jobs around the house then settled for watching 90210 with ice cream whilst contemplating a long overdue trip to the gym. (Needless to say, the gym visit never happened and I'm still chilling in my onesie.) On the bright side, mum text me to say she has a present for me, proving I am loved by someone.

On another note, today has reminded me of one of my favourite quotes:

"At the back of everything is the love of God"William Barclay

A couple years ago I was at a friend's church in Northwich around valentine's day and the preacher used this quote in his sermon. I've shared it with a few people before, but it has such a mind-blowing truth! Behind everything is God's love! That's not an easy thing to see or whole-heartedly believe - that God's love is not just in the good things. But behind every sadness, every death, every job loss, every trial and every hurt. God's love is behind every seemingly bad situation too, even if it's not always obvious. What an amazingly complex God we have!

Anyway, I'm looking forward to a (sort-of) spontaneous visit from my step-brother and his wife (Sam and Becci) later on. Unfortunately I'm sure we're all going to be a bit less tanned than the last time I saw them, during our family holiday to Spain in October. Then again, I'm ginger, I'm never tanned...

My Final Destination

So recently I trawled through the (literally) hundreds of cards/letters/emails that were sent to us when Dad died. I didn't find the letter I was looking for, I found an even greater reminder from a friend. In the message he included a quote:
"The world rings changes, it is never constant but in its disappointments. The world is but a great inn, where we are to stay a night or two, and be gone; what madness is it so to set our heart upon our inn, as to forget our home?'  Thomas Watson

Needless to say, I love this quote! I loved it the first time it was shared with me, and I love it now. Yet its truth is so easy to forget, and I had definitely forgotten. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the things of this life, to set our hearts upon success and popularity and looks and a million other things this world can offer us. It is so easy to take our eyes off Christ and  seek out worldly pleasures.

We will inevitably be left disappointed. The joy that can be gained from success fades, the security of having friends is fleeting, our plans don't work out and at some point, we will fail. This world is full of disappointments, it is the only thing that it can guarantee. It is madness to put our ultimate hope and seek out our final joy in any of the things it offers.

But I love the reminder this quote gives - our life here is temporary. Ultimately, this is not where we will spend eternity. This is not where we belong. I know my eternal destination, and my father is already there.
What a joy it is to live my life for that destination and for my Saviour who awaits my arrival, not for this world and the pathetic excuse of joy it offers.

Abounding In Love

I've decided to jump feet first on to the blogging bandwagon! Partly due to the zillions of pointless thoughts I have to share with people, the amazing blogs some of my friends keep, and my love of procrastination.

So before I tell you about my lovely day, I'll explain the name... I didn't take too long picking it in all honesty. It's pretty straight forward - 'Abounding in Love' is one of my favourite descriptions of God. He is love! He created us, and we disobeyed Him, He sent His ONLY son to DIE for us, and even once we are saved we still continue to go our own way and sin against Him. Despite all of this, all the hurt we cause and all the sin we commit, regardless of the number of times we turn our backs on Him and go our own way, He is ALWAYS there, patiently calling us back to Him in His mercy. If that isn't love, then what is?!

Back to my lovely day... It started off with a standard rubbish morning in college with pointless lessons that I didn't pay much attention to, then I got locked outside my house in the pouring rain because I forgot my keys (again) and haven't yet perfected the art of picking a lock with a hair pin, none of which were particularly 'lovely'. However, I then went for lunch and spent the evening with my friend, Becky Roberts. In short, she is amazing! We had a great catch up :) She told me all about how God's working in her dad's life, which I loved hearing! And although (hopefully) she didn't notice, I couldn't help but tear up as she was telling me (in a good way). A bit embarrassing really, considering we were chilling in Debenham's Cafe at the time. But I love seeing and hearing how God is working in someone's life, it's always such a massive encouragement and a challenge (something I really needed today!), and this in particular is something so many people have been praying for. I love seeing answered prayer :) Becky used to be my Dad's P.A, so we spent ages talking/laughing about our memories of him, something I'll definitely write more about soon :)

Another less enjoyable part of my day was the realisation of the amount of work I have to do. As mentioned earlier, I am a massive procrastinator! If it was a sport, it'd be the only one I was good at! When exam season hits, my room is always spotless, I find facebook actually interesting and even trips to the gym become vaguely enjoyable! I'm working on it though.

Ooooo, while I was at Becky's I had a super exciting phone call to confirm that I'll be spending much of my summer in Kenya! I'll be volunteering with an orphanage on the coast near Watamu (about 80km from Mombasa). I'm really excited to get involved in such a worthy project and experience another culture, though I'm a ridiculously fussy eater and they apparently eat a lot of goat. And they don't have ketchup. This could genuinely be an issue. I essentially have the attitude to trying new food that a toddler does. It scares me. However, the place is BEAUTIFUL, the work exciting and I know that once I'm there I'll never want to come home! At least a one way ticket will reduce the cost somewhat...